* Children who witness domestic violence or are victims of abuse themselves are at serious risk for long-term physical and mental health problems. I will share the effects I noticed on my child during the domestic abuse while I was with his father, and the long term effects that we are seeing today with developmental delays. Keep reading to learn more.
* Each year millions of children in the United States live in homes in which domestic violence has happened at least once. Children may have impaired ability to concentrate; trouble completing school work; and lower scores on measure of verbal, motor, and social skills.
***Domestic violence that starts during pregnancy, like mine did, can cause direct effects to an unborn fetus. Including a higher risk of miscarriage, birth defects, and low birth weight. As an infant they may experience increased fussiness, sleeping problems, a tendency to hide, language delays, and even aggression such as hitting siblings and parents, biting, kicking, etc. During Pre-School years they may experience aggression or withdrawal, inability to concentrate, impulsivity, developmental delays, fear of caregiver or clinginess to caregiver, and regression. They may have trouble with other children, delayed potty training, eating problems, be nervous, or jumpy, have continuing sleep problems, insecurities, fear and depression.***
~ My son even at 4 months old would scream and cry during the abuse directed to me. How does a infant so small understand? They understand something isn't right, isn't normal. As he got older and was even 9 months old he would scream and cry when his dad would take him from me, especially during a fight. My son displayed a lot of anxiety when his father had him. And his father used to complain about "all he wants is you" "he always cries when I have him", and this was because of the domestic violence he was exposed to.
My ex would regularly hold my son 'hostage' to keep me from leaving. Because of course, I would not leave my child. My son starting saying a few words like most children do. But he never progressed. Now, with his birthday approaching on March 31, when he turns 3, he has already been diagnosed with a receptive and expressive language delay. He does not say sentences, he doesn't even use 2 word phrases. He can't say most words. And we do use some sign language with him to make communicating easier. And we have to go back for a hearing test, just to make sure.
He also shows signs of other developmental delays. Potty training is just a huge NO. He goes to our local Medical Autism Clinic in a few weeks for more testing including spectrum testing, sensory testing, possible OT referral, a dietitian for his poor eating habits,and more. He's a poor sleeper. Waking up to nightmares every night, climbing out of bed, walking to his bedroom door, and falling back asleep at his door where he can peer under it. He has some issues when it comes to socializing with other children, listening to other adults, heck, even listening to me. Loud noises, he jumps, because he startles easy, he even jumps when I open his bedroom door and he didn't hear me coming. Loud noises will cause him to freeze, deer in headlights, and cover his ears, with this anxious, worried look on his face.
He has a tendency to hit his head. Slamming it backwards into a wall (though he has mostly stopped that now, but started it about 9 months old) and it took me months to get him to stop. Now on occasion he slams his head into the ground. Sometimes even now, he hides. Whether it's crawling under his bed, hiding under his blanket, and refusing to let Anyone, pull him out or uncover him.
I thought for the longest time maybe he just autistic. Which he could be. Then I realized it was so much more than that. This could all be from being exposed to domestic violence and growing up around it. I don't know if any of the times my ex hit my stomach, choked me out, pushed me down stairs, slammed me into walls, or just the undue extreme stress I was under during my pregnancy, could have caused something to go wrong during his development. And then being exposed to it for 2 years before I finally left.
Domestic violence affects your children. Whether it's short-term, or they experience long-term effects.
Say NO to abuse.
Learn more about the effects on children from domestic abuse here.
I hope the more I share, the more it helps you; from simply understanding more about domestic violence, or encouraging you to get away.
Until next time,
-FamousLostWords
Dominique
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